Very tired eyes

Good evening,
Finally a quiet moment to myself to reflect over the last few weeks. Its hard not having almost any time to myself for even a moment, only when the little one is asleep, which is usually for about 1 hour, and then I am usually doing hoovering, dishes, cleaning, washing, dog walking, anything but chillin basically...

So phew... a moment

Finding having a daughter incredibly wonderful, but of course its also a total change. Especially in having time for ME and what I want... but I guess what I want doesn't really happen very often anymore. Even Friday nights, which used to be such a nice relaxing time having a friend over has now gone to ratshit. Ellen took to screaming her head off during those evenings, so I guess I scared my friends away. At least I feel like I don't want to put "my burden" on to them, so I guess if they wanna see me they know where me and "miss louder than life" is.

Turned 30, kind of missed that...it happened and here I am. A few more wrinkles maybe. Was supposed to go for drink-up this weekend, but Steve is on call so that means he has to stay sober and might have to go out driving a bus or two, which also means that if I got sloshed out of my head it would not be much fun for little Ellen. Plus I seem to have caught cold #2 and my throat is like sandpaper... So again... babywipes and formula anyone?

Haven't even managed to get to the gym for weeks. Been to knackered in the evenings I think, as we tried changing Ellens food to the one for hungrier babies...made her shit green poo...and it was like shitting big rocks I think as she was screaming her head off for days. Poor little thing, we quickly changed back but I think she is still suffering. Apparently the brand we are using is the worst one for getting constipated. BAAAAD mum...

So had to cut the Wednesday bundles & tumbles short as Ellen was howling the place down. Good thing it was "Singing Day" so all the other mums were busy doing Itsy Bitsy Spider or something.

And so Christmas is around the corner...haven't even had a chance to think about what we're doing, where or how. Got my mum & sis over so at least that's decided. And yesterday I managed to get a few pressies. Unorganised and confused is the word for the moment.

What else...had a lovely time with my dad and his wife when they were over. Great to see "granddad" playing and holding his granddaughter. Will go over there in February to see mum, dad, grandma and the rest of the gang. Going to go home at least 3-4 times a year, making an effort for my family to be able to see Ellen grow up as well. Not fair otherwise. So hello SAS here I come.

Going to the gym tonight has gone out the window I think...I am feeling so rotten with my throat and nose running. They rang from David Lloyds today haha and asked how my membership was going etc...I think they can see on their little machines that I haven't been for a while...but fear not I will go back for sure. Lisa keeps asking if I am going and I am tryyyying...

Really feel like I haven't got time for anything at the moment. I hope this will pass and that poor little Ellen will become a bit more harmonious in the evenings. Saying that though, it sounds like she's a monster...she's not. She just seems to pick her moments, like evenings I am going out...and then I feel to much like a "bad mum" if I go, so I usually end up staying in.

Blllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh, I think its been one of those days today. She hasn't really stopped crying, and I am going to hang myself off the chandelier. Tomorrow I will be bright eyed Helena again...I wish!